This past weekend, some friends of mine at DOA Tactical and SurviveTheHorde.com were hosting certification courses in a handful of disciplines including, handcuffing, OCAT (pepper spray), baton, taser, unarmed guard, and armed guard. This included a LOT of hands on training, and a LOT of classroom time–in fact it was a mind numbing amount of classroom time. I’m still not sure why I went, other than the fact that my wife was out of town and it was the best excuse I could come up with for not going to her family reunion in Cedar City for three days. She told me later that she jokingly told her family members that I “would rather get pepper sprayed and tasered than attend the family reunion.” While funny, it was only 63% true.
As a Utah CFP instructor who teaches on a regular basis, there was a decent portion of the classroom material that I was already very familiar with, specifically Utah laws regarding self-defense with force, and using a “force intended to cause death or serious bodily injury.” Also, because I go shooting often and train regularly with DOA Tactical, I managed to pass the shooting qualification with ease. The baton cert. and the handcuff cert. (as a total noob) were very new to me and I learned a host of new techniques that I would never have learned otherwise. Additionally, I did get pepper sprayed, (It was pretty darn awful. It took till the next morning for the pain to completely subside) You can watch it here:
I have no intention of ever using these certifications for employment or to be qualified enough to instruct others on their use, so my friends ask me, “Why waste a perfectly good weekend trying to become a ‘KungFu panda black ops seal team ninja’?”
Yeah, that part kinda sucks, having my friends think I’m trying to become something that I’m clearly not…
In fact, my friend Carl in a recent episode of Gun Dudes Radio Podcast lovingly referred to me and coined the term, “a certified fraud”. And he’s right, I AM A POSER, but “Certified Fraud” sounds SO official doesn’t it?! (It looks even more official if you capitalize it!)
I think I’ll create my own official, “Certificate of Fraud Completion” and hang it on my refrigerator with those miniature Glock magnets they give away at SHOT Show (for added legitimacy)–because I think at this point in my mall ninja career, I should at the very least have a certificate to display, or a medal, or a BADGE! (I love shiny things) Or maybe I should be one of those guys who just flat out lies about their military service and combat experience. I could lie and tell folks that what I was contracted to do was SO top secret that there is no record of it or that I was such a bad a** that I got to skip boot camp and go straight to sniper school… and on, and on. FYI, if anyone EVER tells you that they can’t show you their service record because it is top secret, they are lying. They can show you their record without showing details, (details which they wouldn’t have in their possession anyway…)
What really gets me is this, why on earth would you lie about military service and why do I run into Utahns that do so, constantly? Just because it is no longer illegal doesn’t mean you should keep doing it… Call Utah BCI and ask them how many people send bogus military service resumes in when applying for a Fugitive Recovery Agent License or a Private Investigator License–the lying is rampant and the numbers are staggering. So I pose to you this question–Who are you people and why would you lie to any civilians, let alone the agency who’s job it is to vet your resume. They will find out instantly that you’re an absolute liar! Are you also lying to students who take firearms classes from you? Do you lie to family members about your service record like this guy from Draper did for YEARS? Do you lie on internet forums about your experiences and therefore in your mind it becomes real? Who does that?
I’m actually one of those guys who never grew up with firearms or shot them outside of summer camps and even then it was only .22lr rifles and 12 gauge shotguns. I’ve never attended POST, or joined a branch of the military, (I’m proud of my younger brother who did though) but in the last 9 years, I’ve found a fascination with firearms that I cannot explain or describe. Now my wife will tell you that my hobbies change, every 1-2 years, however, firearms have remained a “staple hobby”. I’m no expert by any stretch of the imagination, nor will I ever claim to be one, but anything I can learn about them, I do. I shoot for fun on a weekly basis. My brother says that the reason I still enjoy shooting is because no one is shooting back at me… (haha) I subscribe to over a dozen gun blogs and podcasts, I’m a member of a handful of gun forums, but I always hesitate to share my opinions about guns when asked for them because I never want to be perceived as one of these yahoo “Internet Commandos”. You know who I’m talking about. These guys on the forums who are total know-it-all’s with an opinion “that always and will forever trump all other opinions” regarding firearms. I can’t stand those guys. They ruin it for so many of us that just want to learn, peaceably–without filling our brains with useless talking points that were derived from ZERO real world experience that they completely made up or heard from a real combat vet. I’m not trying to dethrone them of their “expert” status, I simply want to gain knowledge for myself, learning first hand, even if that means getting pepper sprayed or wasting a weekend listening to HOURS of lectures by experts whose credentials I can verify–NOT because I want to go about pretending I’m a “Deputized Neighborhood Watch Sheriff”… Wait, is that a thing? Do they get a badge??? I digress.
So, whaddya say we all try to be a little more civil, a little more intellectually honest with ourselves, and a LOT more honest with each other–because this state already has enough “Delta Force KungFu Panda Ninjas”.